Man Who Chooses To Spend Thanksgiving With His Sister’s Ex-Husband Faces Criticism

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A man who cuts off contact with his family and chooses to spend Thanksgiving with his former brother-in-law is berated by Reddit users.

In a post shared to the Am I the A******? forum on Nov. 17, a Redditor using brithavx handle explained that his sister Tory had married his boyfriend Brendan in 2018. “Brendan is now like my brother, we are so close,” he wrote.

However, in 2020, Tory left Brendan for another man – and the original poster hasn’t spoken to his sister since.

His parents sided with Tory in the split, while Brithavx sided with Brendan. This caused a rift in the family and after brithavx made disparaging comments about his sister sleeping around, his parents stopped speaking to him altogether. Last year he spent the holidays with Brendan’s family and plans to do the same this time.

His post has received over 13,000 upvotes and over 4,000 comments since it was posted a week ago. After reading the man’s story, Redditors came to a verdict of “Everyone sucks,” meaning there are no winners in this situation — only losers.

A stock photo of parents yelling at their adult son. Reddit users thought no one was right in this situation and decided that “everyone sucks”.
Highwaystarz Photography/iStock/Getty Images Plus

How to end a family feud

More than a quarter (27 percent) of Americans are estranged from a family member, according to research by sociologist Karl Pillemer for his 2020 book Fault Lines: Broken Families and How to Mend Them.

In a survey of 1,300 U.S. adults, Pillemer found that 10 percent were estranged from a parent or child, 8 percent were estranged from a sibling, and 9 percent had cut off contact with a relative, such as an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or cousin. .

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Researchers and family therapists believe familial breakups are becoming more common, with studies suggesting more children are cutting off their parents.

Unhealthy sibling dynamics can also affect a person’s mental health long past childhood, whether through competitiveness, bullying, or controlling behavior.

Laurie Poole, a consultant with The Montfort Group in Texas, said breakups can be hard on the whole family.

“Each person brings their own feelings into the mix,” she shared News Week.

“Being in the middle is a no-win situation because family members often want allies and will bring others into the conflict for support.”

In situations like those described by Redditor brithavx, Poole said communication was the only way forward. However, it is important not to go round in circles with complaints.

“In any conflict, every individual wants to feel recognized and heard, even if others disagree,” she said.

“I’m not sure if the poster thinks his point of view was really understood. Instead, he was told that he should be able to overlook his best friend’s betrayal, which he can’t even now.

“I would encourage brithavx to have a candid conversation with his sister – with a therapist if possible – to talk about how he was affected by what happened. This whole family needs family therapy, there is a lot more here going on. then tells the story.”

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“Either my sister is not invited or I am not coming”

In the Reddit post, brithavx, who is 28, said he was initially annoyed when his friend Brendan started dating his sister. However, the relationship brought him and Brendan closer and brithavx was best man at their wedding.

He described Tory and Brendan’s breakup as “reality TV-esque s***” that left him and his parents “incredibly upset”. However, his father and mother decided to support Tory. Not long after, brithavx stopped talking to his sister and had little contact with his parents.

The problem escalated when later in 2020, Brithavx refused to attend Tory’s second wedding. “Me and my dad talked about it,” he wrote. “My mom tried to play peacemaker for the family. My parents then started giving me the silent treatment.”

As the 2020 holiday season approached, brithavx was not invited to spend time with his family. His parents said it was because he was “going out a lot during COVID” and they didn’t want him to “spread disease”.

Adult brother and sister arguing on the couch
A stock photo of an adult brother and sister arguing on a sofa.
fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus

“My exact answer was ‘if you’re worried about catching other people’s diseases. You shouldn’t worry about Tory anymore. I mean, she’s the one who likes to sleep around.'”

Since then, his parents refuse to talk to him unless he apologizes to Tory. “I responded with a scripture about adultery and how they support it. I was called names again and we barely spoke until October 2021,” he said.

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Brithavx is now spending the holidays with Brendan and his family as he refuses to be around Tory while his parents refuse to cut her off.

“I can not get out [my dad’s] s*** more,” he wrote. “Either my sister isn’t invited or I’m not coming.”

Brendan’s family is also involved. After Thanksgiving last year, Brendan’s mom posted on Facebook about “family are the ones you choose” and tagged brithavx. The poster’s mother saw the message, which led to another argument.

While Redditors didn’t approve of Tory’s cheating or the parents’ ultimatum, many disagreed with brithavx’s stance.

“Obviously you’re deeply engrossed in and enjoying all the DRAMAH!” said dekebasswood.

“You refuse to accept your sister’s decision to move on from her marriage to your girlfriend.”

No-Manufacturer9125 wrote, “His parents are sending bible verses saying his sister is spreading disease. Grow up dude.”

Wowjrumba commented, “There are some serious misogyny from the post. Even if he doesn’t like his friend dating his sister in the first place? She’s not property, she’s a person.”

Cocomilo agreed, saying the Redditor is “hyper involved and judgmental about his sister’s romantic relationships. This behavior seems so unhealthy and intense.”

SomeoneYouDontKnow90 said, “The fact is, you have no idea why your sister’s marriage fell apart.

“You weren’t married to Brendan. Just because he’s a good brother doesn’t mean he’s a good husband. Your sister has made a decision and you have to respect it now.’

News week has contacted brithavx for comment. We were unable to verify the details of the case.

If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know at [email protected] We can ask experts for advice and your story can get on Newsweek.

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